


GENDER WARS: The Genitals Strike Back

by JackedofSpades



Category: Imperial Radch Series - Ann Leckie
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi, Other, a specific tag for the cis, accurate tag, and a joke one for the transes, another accurate tag, petty 4 petty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 22:44:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13200123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackedofSpades/pseuds/JackedofSpades
Summary: A confusing story about genitals.CW for cis readers: This sure is a thing.





	GENDER WARS: The Genitals Strike Back

 

 

“Everyone...” Seivarden said in that hushed nervous tone she slipped into before having to admit a mistake, “Nobody panic... but I’ve lost track of everyone’s genitals.” A chorus of groans sounded around her and she sighed, gesturing vaguely as if to say “yes, yes I know” before grasping her temple with one hand.

“The Genitalia Festival is in two days!” Tisarwat threw up her hands in exasperation then crossed her arms. “We sent them all out to be cleaned and polished and we trusted you to pick them all up!”

“I know, I know,” Seivarden said, sitting down next to Tisarwat. “It’s just that they look so similar to strap-ons. It’s really hard to tell them apart sometimes!”

“Seivarden,” Ekalu said in the tone of a mother about to teach a child a simple lesson, “retrace your steps. Where was the last time you saw them?”

Seivarden looked up in thought, her tongue sticking out for a moment before slipping back into her mouth. “Well I thought I had put them in storage after the cleaners, but then I saw the Translator shortly after and...” She gasped. “ _No_.”

Seconds later, Fleet Captain appeared, the missing genitals haphazardly arranged in her arms.

“Oh thank Amaat,” Tisarwat said, retrieving her pussy poppin’ purple vagina from Breq’s hand as well as a few other like colored genitals whose shape and function were far too confusing to mention in detail.

Once Tisarwat had taken her share, Breq approached Seivarden and handed her a vaguely phallic-shaped one. Seivarden crossed her arms, a pointed look on her face.

“Breq, I can’t believe you’ve forgotten what genitals are mine again,” she said in a huff as she passed the somewhat-penis to Ekalu.

“You know me,” Breq said completely deadpan “I’m canonly an unreliable narrator who only focuses on my imminent demise and, at times, how I failed Lieutenant Awn.”

Ship played a laugh track over the speakers.

“Now, now,” Ekalu said, placatingly. “It’s just as well you have a few spare genitals. I know how you lose things.”

Seivarden would have argued, but Ekalu finished with a wink and took the remaining genitals from Breq’s arms. That did the trick.

“But obviously-gender-neutral parental stand-in,” said Tisarwat to Breq, “where are _your_ genitals?”

Breq pretended to think about it a moment while actually thinking about ripping off Anaander’s dick. “Well,” she said after an awkward pause where she didn’t narrate the fact that she pantomimed ripping off Anaander’s dick as she thought, “you know what they say.”

“I’ve lost all ability to separate fact from fiction due to my brain being scrambled by a dickless dictator,” said Tisarwat cheerfully, “so no.”

Breq did not clarify in any way if that meant Anaander had been born with a dick that she had personally ripped off or if she had been born with some other unfathomable genital configuration.

“Well,” she said again, “if you can’t beat them, them being your own dick, then why bother to have any genitals at all? Am I right?”

“I have no way to tell if you’re joking or even if this is canon right now,” Seivarden said seriously.

“Good,” said Breq as she left the room with no genitals to speak of.


End file.
